expels:

my talents include stress eating and falling in love with people that will never love me back

(via tittiebagels)

proctalgia:

i love when dogs sigh. its like, hey bud, long day at the office?

(Source: kentuckystalker, via sit-down-you-dirty-pig)

notafuckingwizard:

Favourite Australian saying: “have a good one”. Have a good what? We’ll never tell. You’ll never know Australian secrets.

(via milky-chance)

sobersexting:

being an adult sucks cause when people ask you to hang out you cant be like “my mom said no” you just have to change your name and move away

(via sit-down-you-dirty-pig)